Grace’s Journey to Affirming

In July of 2019 Grace United Church came into being, when our three parent churches came together through amalgamation. While each of our parent churches had different areas of Christian faith and practice as their main focus, all of them believed deeply in caring for our neighbours – both those in the community of faith, and those in the wider world.

Right from the beginning, Grace was clear that to live out our love of God, and our love of our neighbours, was more than a passive act. The congregation named six core values that would be central to its faith and life: kindness, acts of service, fellowship, spiritual growth, leadership, and inclusivity.

These core values led a small group to wonder what it would mean for Grace to be more than a welcoming community of faith, but one that was Affirming of all God’s beloved children. They went to the church Board, who asked them to explore with Affirm United/S’affirmer Ensemble (AU/SE) what that would mean – the process of becoming Affirming.

In August 2021, after feedback from AU/SE and speaking with two other nearby Affirming communities of faith, the Board made a decision to go forward in the Affirming process. An Affirming Ministry Committee came together to begin the conversation. This group would meet twice each month – often with one meeting being focused on the learning and exploration needed within the committee, with the other thinking more about how to help the congregation in its exploration.

AU/SE helped us to pair up with St. Paul’s United in Oakville, Ontario, already an Affirming community of faith. Their minister helped the committee to consider questions that would need to be explored, and things that might help the congregation to get ready to make a decision about naming itself Affirming.  We also spoke with Port Nelson United about their Affirming journey..

Recognizing the wideness of worldview that intersectionality calls us to, the Affirming Ministries Committee began to help the congregation explore not only some of its initial questions about what it means to be 2S or LGBTQIA, but also Settler/Indigenous relations, and the needs of those living with poverty. As we began our exploration, our net was wide!

The group offered books for people to read, with opportunities for small group and one-on-one conversation. Regular “Lunch and Learns”, following worship, were times of food and exploration about a number of topics. The Affirming Ministries Committee worked with the Worship committee, and offered worship leadership for Sundays around Pride, Trans Day of Remembrance, P.I.E. Day, Orange Shirt Day, Indigenous day of Prayer, and (Earth Day/Season of Creation).

Much of this happened as this new community of faith lived through COVID – so much of our initial work was done in online conversations. When we returned to gathering in-person, we continued the work of exploration. At this point we had been exploring Affirming for two years.  After we were given the go ahead by the Grace Board, our committee expanded in membership and we started working in the fall of 2021.

As the COVID-extended time with our beloved interim minister came to an end, the fact that we were exploring being an Affirming community of faith was important in our search. The candidate our search committee recommended had been clear that they would only consider serving in ministry with congregations who had either already declared themselves to be Affirming, or were in the process of coming to that point.

When he arrived, in Advent of 2022, the Affirming Ministries Committee’s first few discussions were about the wideness of our explorations with the congregation. In our conversations, we realized that we were doing a lot of excellent learning, and a lot of helping the congregation to learn, but had not set any “milestones” or decision markers. Recognizing this, the Affirming Ministries Committee decided to focus its efforts on what it would mean for Grace to be public, intentional and explicit about its affirmation of folks who are 2SLGBTQIA+. We set a date in the fall of 2023 to have a congregational vote about being Affirming, and laid out a plan to help people be ready to make a decision at that time.

We had more Lunch and Learns! One of our “sticking points” was around sharing pronouns, and the reason behind that practice. A decision had been made that those in Worship leadership (the minister of word, the minister of music, and the Lay Worship Facilitators) would introduce themselves with their pronouns. This led to some pushback, which allowed for some deep – and at times difficult – exploration of gender identity and gender expression. We were fortunate that some of the younger folks connected with Grace were willing to publicly share their understandings of gender and – especially the teens who are trans – express how important it was to them to hear the cisgender folks in the congregation share their pronouns (even if the cisgender folks couldn’t quite understand why!) While the conversations with the trans teens were respectful, the in-congregation discussions were sometimes tumultuous – but were important steps in our understanding.

Grace’s Affirming Ministries Committee also built a relationship with PFLAG Halton. Their leadership helped us with our conversations (local PFLAG leadership participated in two worship services – one just prior to our vote, the other just after), and facilitated discussions around being Queer and about being parents/grandparents of trans kids. Grace’s Affirming leadership offered support – both financial sponsorship and organizational skills –  that led to Halton’s first PrideFest in the park celebrations. At that first gathering, as part of our learning and public witness, Grace had a booth, alongside of St. Paul’s United, where we shared food, fun, and resources that we had found in our journey. (This would morph in 2024 to being the group that brought together the three Affirming United Churches in our area to have a united and shared presence at the Pride festival, Along with St. Christopher’s Anglican Parish, we anchored a corner of the festival.)

Along with our minister, members of Grace stood in counter-protest, outside the local schoolboard offices, when people gathered to argue against SOGI initiatives in our schools. Along with Anglican, Lutheran, and Unitarian clergy, we stood with PFLAG Halton to show community support for queer folks in the schools and wider community.

As our wedding policy was already clear that Grace would celebrate marriages between peoples of any gender pairings, we began to work on the Affirming statement that would become the lens through which we both viewed and lived out our core values.

“Grace United Church is publicly committed to living out all of our core values affirming all of God’s children, embracing people of every age or stage of life, race or ethnicity, Indigeneity or settler ancestry, spiritual beliefs, culture, family configuration, gender, gender identity, gender expression, sexual orientation, physical and mental abilities or health, socioeconomic circumstances, and life experiences; and will be encouraged to participate fully in all aspects of the life, work, and ministry of Grace United Church.”

This Affirming statement was approved by the congregation in June 2023, to go into effect if or when the community of faith voted to be Affirming. We chose to go this route so that the congregation would understand well in advance what we were committing to, if we decided that we were Affirming. Throughout all of these explorations, the Affirming Ministries Committee was clear that being Affirming meant living this statement publicly, intentionally, and explicitly. By moving in stages like this, we gave multiple opportunities for people to raise questions or concerns.

In the fall of 2023, there were opportunities both online and in-person, for people to share their questions and “pinch points”. The Affirming Ministries Committee worked to help people find what they needed to make an informed decision. In October 2023, the congregation gathered to make a decision – 94.3% of those present voted in favour of Grace being an Affirming community of faith.

The progress pride flag and Affirming logo went up on our digital sign immediately. As we prepared for our Affirming celebration in January 2024, large vinyl versions of these two symbols were installed on the outside wall of our building, facing the street; very obvious affirmations of Grace being Public, Intentional and Explicit (PIE). These have been extraordinary conversation starters with members of the wider community. We’ve had a number of folks who are Queer or allied coming to see if we really mean what we say. As well, members of the community of faith and our minister have had conversations with a number of individuals who disagree with our Affirming stance.

Our journey has led us into deeper relationship with PFLAG Halton, as they consider the programming they would like to be doing. It has led us into deeper relationship with the other Affirming communities of faith in our area. We have met with and presented to three congregations who are at different stages in their Affirming journey about our experiences. We continue to explore how we can be Affirming of 2SLGBTQIA+ folks in the wider community, and those of us who are part of Grace.

As we’ve worked into the spring and summer of 2024, our Affirming Ministries Committee has gone through some changes. While helping the congregation to keep their focus on what it means to be Affirming of folks who are 2SLGBTQIA+ in all our ministry and future plans, we are beginning to take a look at what our congregations’ next steps need to be. We’ve surveyed the congregation about focus areas, and, including the information we’ve learned through the congregation’s Outreach committee partnering with Community Development Halton, we’re starting to look at how Grace can begin to do the learning it needs to be Affirming of the folks who make up the other intersectional groups in our statement.

We are now the Education & Advocacy Committee, who will be helping the congregation to continue all of this important, life affirming, ministry.